Confessions of a Studio Owner – The Compressor Way

Confessions of a Studio Owner
By Compressor

The Compressor is excited, and that doesn’t happen very often. I try and get to the UK every 6 months or so, and I’m currently typing this on a plane back home. I’ve been monitoring something happening in UK studios and I think I’m going to try it back at the ranch. Here’s the plan: I get the big 5 studios in and around my area to have a meeting. Picture the scene in the Godfather when the 5 families get round the table to discuss how the cartel should operate….the Compressor will be Don Corleone.

I’m going to make my peers an offer they can’t refuse. I’m going to suggest  they offer up their facilities, and implement a centralized brand and booking service…I’m thinking of calling it Cocktail Studios…like that movie with Tom Cruise…great theme tune by the Beach Boys.

It will mean lower costs and increased efficiency. Economies of scale have to be a good thing, right? We will be able to strip out all of the duplication, all of the fat and cut to the bone. We’ll be able to protect ourselves against labels and managers who ask us individually for quotes, and then play us off against each other…..forcing our prices lower..and then at the last minute informing us that our services won’t be required. Yes….we’ll be stronger….safety in numbers.

At the end of the day….rooms are rooms…..gear is gear…..and a board is a board unless you use mine which is the best….damn…I won’t be able to say that anymore because I might not be in charge. Anyway, we’ll be a team….my competitors will now be my partners……why differentiate one studio from another? We’ll have a factory….a cookie cutter…..’Oh, hello….you have a studio…struggling eh? Glad you called….yes of course we can help…..well here’s the choice…either join Cocktail or you won’t survive!’  We’ll expand into other countries…all studios will join the cartel or they will die! Clients can call a single phone number and we’ll sort them out.

Anyway, who cares about client care? No more catering to the clients’ needs….whether it’s getting the strength of the coffee right….making sure that when pro tools crashes you’re on hand to fix it…..making sure that if God (the producer) needs a letter posted you’re on hand to post it….basically doing whatever it takes to keep the client happy so they can do their job….we can leave the client to fend for themselves! Yes, we’ll have a centralized maintenance department…it might take longer to fix things….but we’ll save money! In fact, we can just swap gear between studios until we’re found out.

Client care costs money…and we believe that clients can care for themselves! Clients can arrive at the studio…call us…and we’ll taxi the keys round. Let yourself in, power up and hopefully the milk isn’t too rancid.

During quiet times, we’ll slash the cost of rentals by 50%, we’ll instigate a  price war with our competitors, driving them out of business. Studios are going bust anyway…I’m just providing the catalyst….helping people see the light. Yes, the Compressor will in fact SAVE the industry by killing off the competition….I am the chosen one.

I’m going to come up with a brand…..maybe: ‘Cocktail Studios: Closing other studios!’ or… ‘If Ryan Air were a studio…..it would be called Cocktail Studios!’ What do you think?

TTFN The Compressor