The Compressor…..The Yakuza…The Mistress….The Wine….The advance.

The Compressor…..The Yakuza…The Mistress….The Wine….The advance.

A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the Rothschild 1928 Mouton. The waiter returns with a full bottle of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down n the table with a thud. ‘This is not the 1928 Mouton.’ The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.

‘My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make that wine.’ Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.

‘I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographical location.’

Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him. ‘When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographical location makes.’

Which brings me on to this weeks story….there is a link I promise. I had a band in the other week…who are on the edge of greatness. They are being courted by a few majors and publishers. However, they worry about being exploited and wonder whether remaining independent would be wiser. I had a simple piece of advise which I supported with the following ditty:

A few years ago I was visiting Japan and was invited, by my boss for a thank you dinner, following my recent hard work. The restaurant was called Enoteca Pinchiorri and is one of the finest Italians in the world, and it is the sister of the original restaurant of the same name in Florence. Firstly, to enter the restaurant, you walk through a tunnel which acts as the wine cellar…wait for it…holding over £3,000,000 worth of wine. Each waiter is sent to Florence for training for 6 months so they learn the Italian way. It is, quite simply one of the finest experiences that anyone can imagine and has a price to match. The décor oozes wedge and the atmosphere is one of refinement and class…ie…not somewhere that the Compressor should be.

As we started on our grub, a small chap with a much younger female colleague took the table next to us. He was clearly well built, had a loud suit on, had what appeared to be signs of tattoos and had one of his little fingers missing. ‘Yak’ my boss whispered….at which point I look confused…’YAK’ he whispered more loudly…at which point I tried to vomit (always do what the boss tells you!) ‘No you prat…YAK…not a cow…not a honk…a Yakuza…part of the Japanese mafia. You don’t mess with these dudes.

Whilst we noshed….they ordered wine. I kid you not….4 bottles were opened and placed in front of the couple….all from 1961 and included a Petrus, a Lafite, a Margeaux and  a Mouton Rothschild. We are talking about £5,000 worth of wine. Before you could say ‘penne arrabiata’ a huge row broke out between said Yak and mistress, she threw a glass of water, he slapped her and they stormed out.

At which point I got up, walked to their table and lifted the 4 bottles…and drank the lot. A perfect evening!

What’s the moral of the story?  Well, the message to the band was simple. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. If someone offers you an advance…take it! Why? Simply, they will want a return on their investment, and will promote you to try and get your profile raised, and recoup. Therefore, like me with the wine…if it’s on offer…take it!

TTFN

The Compressor