Confessions of a Studio owner, The Compressor Part 24
The Compressor does Stand Up

Guitarist Jokes

Q: How can you tell a guitarist is at your door?
A: By the Dominos Pizza hat.

Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it’s coming and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unision?
A: Shoot One.

Q: What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.

Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.

Drummer Jokes

Q: How do you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

Q: How can you tell a drummer’s at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up.

Q: What’s the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: Hey guys, why don’t we try one of my songs?

Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: How can you tell when a drummer’s at the door?
A: He doesn’t know when to come in.

Vocalist jokes

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in.

Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.
A: She was known as the deep C diva.

Bass Joke 1.

A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, “So, what did you learn?”

“Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string.” Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, “This time I learned the first five notes on the A string.”

One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: “Hey, what happened in today’s lesson?”

“Dad, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to my lesson; I had a gig!”

Bass Joke 2

A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was.

“That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass”, says the bass player, “And we’re on stage in five minutes.”

“So what’s the problem?”, asks the tour manager.

“He won’t tell me which string it was he detuned”, said the Bassist.